i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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