i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
