I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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