Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
