I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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