I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
