if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Are we still banned from the library?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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