don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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