Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
