Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
