Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
