she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
