I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
