Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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