OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
