when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
How external is "for external use only"?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
