Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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