My nipple is on Facebook.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
