I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
