i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
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can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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