Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
