I could have mohawked her pubes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
