I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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