After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
