I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
