Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize