We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
