sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
