oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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