Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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