He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
