if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
birth control should be required to get into college
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
