my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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