Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize