I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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