man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
