I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
