I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
