So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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