Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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