She announced her abortion via fbk
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
