I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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