He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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