I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
