so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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