Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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