And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
