I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
