the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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