what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
