So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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