Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
