dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
pray to the hookup gods
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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