When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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