i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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