my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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