the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
