I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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