Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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