drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
