I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
