clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
