guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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