I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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