i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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