I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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