Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
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Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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