24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
