wanna go halves on a baby?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
