Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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