I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
whose parrot is this?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
