Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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