I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You ruined the universe
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
